Brah Hunter episode 1: Transcript

This is the transcript for the episode. The episode info is here.

* Big Woody is inside the house holding his gun.*

Big Woody: Chew wee boy! My name's woody, and this is another episode of Brah Hunter. Today we're gonna be going out in the wild bushes of Africa, looking for the tribe of Mikey Brahs. Apparently there's a tribe, so we gotta find the tribe now. And I got my rifle, and, uh, they're armed and dangerous, so you gotta be careful. Ooh! I almost forgot one thing!

* Woody goes into another room.*

Big Woody: Follow me! Chew wee boy!

Camera man/ Homer: I'm not getting payed enough for this job...

Big Woody: Shut up, camera man. Alright. I forgot one thing. Gonna get my trusty net.

* Picks up net.*

Big Woody: Just incase things get too catastrophic. Now, follow me, c'mon. Alright, Roll the intro. Turn it off, roll the-

* Brah Hunter theme*

Big Woody: Okay, I'm all set up. I got my rifle right here< and my net, and my computer if things come from worst to worst. And that's how I'm gonna summon the Mikey Brahs. See all this? What's that?

* Big Woody Examines floor pebbles and picks one up*

Big Woody: You see that right here? Zoom in on that. That is Mikey Brah fertilized frozen poop. That means...wipe it on my shirt...that means they were here before. Jesus Christ! Look it over there! Holy Crap!

* Camera pans to Mikey Brahs in the distance*

Big Woody: There's a whole village, there's three of them. I don't know if I can take them on. This may be too big for the rifle. uh...think think, think, think, think, woody. Oh! I know! We'll use the net! Just gotta get all sneaky on 'em. Alright, let's go.

* Big Woody grabs the net, the camera changes to Big Woody slowly approaching them*

Big Woody: Chew wee boy! Right over there if you can see them. Right over there. Okay, Mr. camera man, t-take the net. pass it to me when I'm close enough.

Camera man/Homer: *Whispers* Okay.

Big Woody: Let's go...*Whispers* Sneaky.

Camera man/Homer: Is this where you want it?!

Big Woody: Throw it! Throw it now-OH God! they see me!

Brahs: Brah brah brah brah brah brah! *Hisss*

Big Woody: Oh God! Aah! They're eating me! Run RUN!

* after Escaping*

Big Woody: Oh my God! Oh my God! scared the crap outta my pants! *Sniff sniff* Oh crap! I pooped my pants! Good thing I brought a spare.

* changes pants*

Big Woody: Aright. I changed. You can have my poopy pants, damn camera man! y-you y-you startled them! Now I gotta put 'em out-

* Gets gun*

Big Woody: Now I gotta put 'em out of their misery, thanks to you.

* New location, close to the Brahs but hidden*

Big Woody: *whispering* Alright. Right over there. Zoom in. Zoom in, see 'em? see em? They moved. They-you got 'em startled, damn camera man. I got my rifle right here, gonna light 'em up. Alright, we're gonna fire on this son of a...chicken nugget.

* Aims at the Brahs and fires*

Lime twin 1: So, I was thinking about nukes.

Red Mikey: Nukes?

Lime twin 1: Yeah, brah.

Lime twin 2: Nukes? Sounds good to me-

* gets shot and dies*

Red Mikey: Holy crap!

Lime twin 1: Who shot him? It's probably Woody! Lets go get him!

Red Mikey: I can't run that fast.

* Scene changes to the Brahs attacking woody*

Woody: Listen, you little- you little! I got you now! Oh Crap!

* Throws Red Mikey*

Red Mikey: Brah!

Big Woody: *Scared* Gonna run in for a quick bathroom break. I'll be right back! camera.

* Scene changes to bathroom door, Big Woody goes in and closes it.*

Big Woody: *unintelligible mumbles.* Aaaaaauguugh!!! Oh my God! That's a rock! That's a rock! * comes out of the bathroom* Phew! That was a doozy! You can even smell it!*sniff* Ahh, smells like shrimp.

* Scene changes to Big Woody in bed*

Big Woody: Chew wee boy! After a long day of pooping and hunting Brahs, I'm just gonna kick back and sleep..."

* His closet door, opens and a Brah peeks out before shutting again.*

Big Woody: Holy Crap! Did you see that?! did you see that? I gotta-I got- I gotta get somebody to close it! *pulls out phone* Right, I'll call him now.

* Nick is in his room in bed, his phone next to him starts ringing. He wakes up and moves to it*

Nick: Aw, my phone. Who is it?! What the-ugh... *he answers it* hello?

Big Woody: Nick? Nick?

Nick: What is it, Woody?

Big Woody: I need you to come close my closet door, I'm really scared. I-I think the Mikey Brah's trying to kill me.

Nick: Well, you know-I'm try-it's like five o clock in the morning. I'm trying to sleep.

Big Woody: Chew wee boy. I'm about to be killed and I can't-

Nick: Goodbye, Woody.

Big Woody: No, no, I'll wake up sober.

* Nick hangs up, the screen changes to black with the text "TO BE CONTINUED"*