Homer and chef pee pee episode 1: Transcript

This is a transcript for the episode. The episode info is here.

* Homer and Chef Pee Pee walking down the street*

Chef Pee Pee: Oh God damn, homer. Why do we have to go to Good Days?

Homer: Because Good Days is the best! ah! I want it, Chef Pee Pee. Chef Pee Pee. Chef Pee Pee. I want it.

Chef Pee Pee: What?!

Homer: I want Good Days!

Chef Pee Pee: Well shut your damn mouth and maybe we'll go!

Homer: OK, I'll be quiet.

Chef Pee Pee: *sarcastic* We'll see how long that lasts.

Homer: Boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy-

Chef Pee Pee: Homer! Let's play a game. It's called the quiet game. We'll see how long you can be quiet.

Homer: Aright, I got this, Chef Pee Pee.

* Good Days is in the distance.*

Homer: Oh my God, it's Good Days!

Chef Pee Pee: Homer! Guess what?! You lost! you lost! you lost the game. game over!

Homer: No, I didn't-

Chef Pee Pee: You lost your trophy.

Homer: I got a trophy?!

Chef Pee Pee: You were gonna get a trophy.

Homer: Who gets the trophy?

Chef Pee Pee: Nobody!

Homer: So, but shouldn't you get the trophy 'cause you won?

Chef Pee Pee: No.

Homer: Well, I'm gonna get you a trophy, Chef Pee Pee, 'cause you're really good.

Chef Pee Pee: Well, you just lost, so...

Homer: Chef Pee Pee, come on. We gotta cross the street, Chef Pee Pee. I see Good Days!

Chef Pee Pee: Oh my freaking God, shut up.

Homer: I scream, you scream, we all scream for Good Days! Good Days, Good Days, Good Days!

Chef Pee Pee: Jesus Christ, kill me.

Homer: Good Days, Good Days, Good Days!

* Soon at the entrance area*

Chef Pee Pee: OK, Homer, We're here.

Homer: *blubbering* But I lost the quiet game! I don't deserve this! *Whines*

Chef Pee Pee: Oh my God, Homer. Who cares if you lost the quiet game?

Homer: Because it's a BIG TITLE if you win! You go to the quiet game championships!

Chef Pee Pee: Give the the twenty so I can order!

* Homer gives Chef Pee Pee the money*

Homer: Chef Pee Pee, I want to order.

Chef Pee Pee: Fine.

* Gives the money back*

Homer: Uh-I have stage fright.

Chef Pee Pee: You just said you'd- you'd wanted to do it-

Homer: I'm gonna prove you wrong! I'm gonna do this! *giggles*

* at the register*

Homer: May I please have-uh- two grilled cheeses and fries?

* Short conversation with cashier, then Homer returns to the outdoor eating area where Chef Pee Pee was sitting*

Chef Pee Pee: So homer, how was it?

Homer: It-It was- It was- It was- It was- It was- It was-

* Homer faints*

Chef Pee Pee: Homer? Homer? Please wake up! If-If-If I wasn't gonna lose my job, I wouldn't care, but Homer. Homer! ...I'm gonna have to run away.

Homer: Hold up Chef Pee Pee! I'm alive! April fool's!

Chef Pee Pee: It's not even April. Did you get the food?

* homer faints while Chef Pee Pee asks this, and Chef Pee Pee puts his face down on the table*

Homer: Chef Pee Pee, I'm alive again. I tricked you again!

* Homer bumps Chef Pee Pee, who drops some of the money on the floor*

Chef Pee Pee: Oh my God, Homer, I dropped the money.

* Homer drops some change on the floor*

Chef Pee Pee: Homer stop putting it on the floor!

Homer: Go get the money!

Chef Pee Pee: I'm not getting that!

Homer: *silly voice* You're gonna get it, and you're gonna like it!

Chef Pee Pee: You're grounded!

* Homer hits Chef Pee Pee*

Chef Pee Pee: *Shocked* Homer!

Homer: I'm sorry. Please forgive me!

Chef Pee Pee: I will, but as long as you get the money. Go.

Homer: I'm going, I'm going!

Chef Pee Pee: *shakes head* What the hell?*

Homer: I can do it!

Chef Pee Pee: Homer, now remember; the exact amount is five dollars and fifty five cents.

Homer: I got this, Chef Pee Pee. You don't have to worry about the "Mathematician"!

Chef Pee Pee: *sarcastic* Oh yeah, you're a big mathematician alright.

Homer: Thank you, I know.

* On the floor*

Homer: Alright, here we-Oh!

* Homer sees a five dollar bill*

Homer: Boy. What is this? I think this is some of it. Okay.

Chef Pee Pee: Homer, that's a five dollar bill.

Homer: It's fine, I got this. Where's the other one? Where's the change??

Chef Pee Pee: *unamused* Right there.

Homer: There it is. Chef Pee Pee, you don't need to help me! Alright, let me count how much I have so far.

* On the table.*

Homer: Alright, five...and five...equals...I got it. Fifty five dollars. We're good. I got all the money, Chef Pee Pee.

Chef Pee Pee: That's not fifty five, that's only ten!

Homer: *silly voice* I got this, Chef Pee Pee! I'll get the rest of it! No problemo!

* Inside restaurant*

Blizzard: Oh boy, nothing beats a meal at Good Days!

* Sees Homer and Chef Pee Pee fighting outside*

Blizzard: I think I'll stay in here for a few more minutes.

* Sees them fight more*

Blizzard: Yeah, I'm staying inside.

* Back outside, Homer bring the food in a bag.*

Homer: Chef Pee Pee, I got the fooood!~

Chef Pee Pee: Oh boy, I can't wait.

* At home*

Chef Pee Pee: Ah, that was a good meal. Wasn't it, Homer?

Homer: It was terrible! I will never eat at Good Days again!

Chef Pee Pee: Homer, you're always begging for Good Days!

Homer: Well, this time it was terrible!

Chef Pee Pee: Homer, you ate the entire thing. How is it horrible?

Homer: I want a refund! Make me something else!

Chef Pee Pee: No.

Homer: Yes.

Chef Pee Pee: Okay, I'll make you something else.

Homer: Okay, Chef Pee Pee, you do that. Stupid food!

* Homer pushes the box and it falls into a trash can*

Homer: Yeah, that's right. Fall, stupid idiot!

* Chef Pee Pee at the fridge*

Chef Pee Pee: Okay, Homer wants some food. Alright. Let's see here.

* Chef Pee Pee sings to himself as he pulls out a container of butter and a spoon*

Homer: *gasps* Food Is-!

Chef Pee Pee: Open wide!

Homer: here comes the airplane!

Chef Pee Pee: Here it comes-

Homer: Say it!

Chef Pee Pee: Here comes the airplane.

* Chef Pee Pee splats the spoonful of butter onto Homer*

Homer: *giggles*

* after it's mostly eaten*

Homer: Chef Pee Pee, I couldn't eat another bite, i already got *giggles* so much!

Chef Pee Pee: *puts spoon away* Okay, you're full.

Homer: Chef Pee Pee, don't give me any more!

Chef Pee Pee: *putting the butter away* Alright, i'm not going to.

Homer: I want one more bite! No, I want one more bite! Hey look, some butter! * eats a bit off the counter*

Chef Pee Pee: You got one more bite?

Homer: Chef Pee Pee, I'm going into a food coma!

Chef Pee Pee: No, don't-!

* Homer faints into the butter container*

Chef Pee Pee *pulls him out* God damn it.

* Chef pee pee puts the butter away*

Chef Pee Pee: Time to go-

* The scene abruptly changes to Homer coughing in bed*

Chef Pee Pee: *sarcastic* Oh boy, I really hope you get well, Homer.

Homer: Thank you, Chef Pee Pee.

Chef Pee Pee: You're welcome.

* Homer coughs loudly*

Chef Pee Pee: *whispering* Please let him die please let him-Oh, people came to visit you!

* Nick and little Woody enter the room.*

Little Woody: Hey, Homer! *to nick* Hold my hand!

Nick: Alright, Woody, we're just gonna pretend you're my wife.

Little Woody: Okay.

Nick: My wife didn't come.

Little Woody: Why didn't she come?

Nick: Because! She doesn't care about anyone but her hair, Woody!

Homer: Ch-Chef Pee Pee, I'm gonna die. Hold my hand.

Chef Pee Pee: *quietly* Okay, Homer.

Homer: *weird noises* i'm dying, Chef Pee Pee. Give me a good bye kiss.

Chef Pee Pee: No!

* the heart rate monitor flatlines*

* Chef Pee Pee sings and dances to celebrate Homer's death. Fortunately, Homer didn't actually die*